What is coercive control?

Coercive control is an ongoing, repeated pattern of behavior used by one person to dominate, intimidate, and strip away the freedom, autonomy, and independence of another, usually within an intimate partner or family relationship.

Unlike a single act of physical violence, coercive control is a cumulative strategy of oppression. It slowly shrinks a person's world, making them dependent on the abuser through fear, isolation, and regulation of daily life.

Key Signs and Tactics

Isolation: Cutting you off from friends, family, coworkers, or outside support systems by making jealous accusations or monitoring communications.

Financial Control: Restricting access to money, forbidding you from working, putting you on a strict allowance, or sabotaging your financial independence.

Regulating Daily Life: Dictating what you wear, how you style your hair, what you eat, when you sleep, or where you are allowed to go.

Intimidation and Threats: Threatening physical harm, suicide, harming your children or pets, or destroying personal property.

Psychological Manipulation: Using gaslighting, constant criticism, humiliation, or love bombing to erode self-esteem and make you doubt your own perception of reality.

Monitoring: Tracking your location via your phone or car, reading your texts, or checking your online activity.

Why It Is Dangerous

It erodes a person's self-worth and independence, making it extremely difficult to leave the relationship.

It inflicts severe, long-lasting mental health harms, such as anxiety, depression, and trauma.

Experts identify coercive control as one of the most significant risk factors or precursors preceding domestic homicide.

Main personality constructs that exhibit this type of behavior:

Malignant narcissist (combined behaviors of Anti-social personality disorder & Narcissistic personality disorder in addition to Machiavellianism and Sadism) Dark Tetrad

Malignant borderline (combined behaviors of Anti-social personality disorder & Borderline personality disorder in addition to Machiavellianism and Sadism) Dark Triad

It is also possible for all of these constructs to be present in one individual, known as comorbidities.

It is important that any time you recognize these behaviors in others that you find a way to exit the friendship or relationship without bringing their character to light. These individuals do not handle rejection, failure, or abandonment in any capacity. There are successful tactics to do this without putting yourself in harms way.

Matthew Swank - Specialist in generational trauma dynamics & human predatory behavioral patterns