Business: Managing difficult employees

Managing disrespectful or difficult employees is one of the most draining challenges a leader will ever face. It chips away at team morale, erodes trust, and can quickly turn a productive workplace toxic if left unaddressed.

True leadership isn't about demanding respect through authority; it is about addressing disrespect with clarity, empathy, and firm boundaries. Here is an authentic, step-by-step guide to navigating these difficult conversations and reclaiming your team’s culture.

1. Separate the Person from the Behavior

It is easy to label someone as a "bad apple," but effective management requires looking at the actions, not the identity.

• Pause before reacting: Avoid responding in anger or matching their defensive tone.

• Document specifics: Track exact dates, times, and verbatim phrases rather than relying on vague feelings like "they have a bad attitude."

• Look for underlying causes: Ask yourself if the behavior is a symptom of burnout, personal stress, unclear expectations, or a recent organizational change.

2. Address It Swiftly and Privately

Ignoring disrespect in hopes that it will go away is a recipe for disaster. It signals to the rest of the team that the behavior is acceptable.

• Schedule a 1-on-1: Never call out a disrespectful employee in front of their peers, which only breeds deeper resentment.

• Keep it immediate: Address the issue as close to the incident as possible while ensuring both parties are calm enough for a productive chat.

• State the impact: Explain exactly how their behavior affects team performance and psychological safety.

3. Use the "I Notice" Framework

When you confront the employee, avoid accusatory language that forces them into a defensive corner. Instead, use objective observations.

Instead of saying...

Try saying...

"You are always interrupting people in meetings." vs. "I noticed you spoke over Sarah twice during this morning's presentation."

"You have a terrible attitude toward this project." vs. "I noticed you rolled your eyes when the new timeline was announced."

"You don't respect my authority." vs. "When you walked out of the room while I was speaking, it felt dismissive."

4. Listen Active and Establish Ownership

Give the employee a chance to speak. Sometimes, what looks like disrespect is actually poorly communicated frustration or a misunderstanding.

• Ask open questions: Try, "Can you help me understand what happened during the meeting today?"

• Acknowledge valid points: If they have a legitimate grievance about workloads or processes, validate it.

• Draw the line: Remind them that while their feelings or frustrations are completely valid, the way they chose to express them is not.

5. Co-Create a Behavioral Agreement

Do not just tell them what to stop doing—clearly define what moving forward looks like.

• Set explicit boundaries: Define what respectful collaboration looks like on your team.

• Put it in writing: Summarize the conversation, the expected changes, and a timeline for a follow-up review in an email.

• Outline consequences: Be transparent about the next steps (such as a formal Performance Improvement Plan or HR involvement) if the behavior continues.

The Reality Check for Leaders

As a leader, you must also look in the mirror. Ask yourself if you are inadvertently modeling the behaviors you are trying to correct, or if you have given this specific employee a reason to lose trust in management. Authentic leadership means owning your part of the dynamic while holding others accountable for theirs.

Written by Matthew Swank